Navigating Faith and Belonging: A Personal Journey Through the Catholic Church

In May 2024, I embarked on a significant journey of faith, prompted by a profound disillusionment with my previous Methodist church. The split within the Methodist denomination, centered on issues such as homosexuality, same-sex marriage, and LGBTQIA+ inclusion in leadership roles, left me deeply troubled. I chose to abstain from the vote on the split, unable to support a decision that would marginalize a part of the Christian community based on their identity. My commitment to love and inclusivity guided this decision, leading me to leave the church when it aligned with a more conservative stance.

For nearly eight months, I was away from any church community. This period of absence was marked by a lack of outreach from my former church or its leaders, which was disheartening and left me feeling disconnected. My spiritual journey took an unexpected turn when a dentist friend invited me to attend Mass with him and his wife. What began as a single visit quickly became a regular practice, leading to an invitation from the parish priest to join the Order of Christian Initiation for Adults (OCIA) and consider teaching faith formation.

Despite the warmth and welcome I’ve experienced, I find myself grappling with several significant questions about the Catholic Church that have arisen during my time in OCIA. My reflections on these questions may resonate with others who are also navigating their faith journey:

1. The Origins of the Church

One of my main questions revolves around the historical origins of the Catholic Church. The Catholic tradition often traces its roots back to Peter, viewed as the first pope. However, this raises questions about how the Church’s practices have evolved since the early Christian community. If the Church’s origins were directly with Peter, why does the Catholic Church not align more closely with the early Jewish roots of Christianity, including the observance of Jewish feasts and festivals?

2. The Role of Communion

Another area of concern for me is the role and requirements for participating in communion. The Bible, particularly 1 Corinthians 11:28-30, emphasizes self-examination before partaking in the Lord’s Supper: “Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup,” and warns of serious consequences for those who do not. This suggests that communion is a personal and reflective act of faith. Why, then, is formal church membership a prerequisite for receiving communion in the Catholic Church?

3. The Concept of Pride and Exclusivity

Lastly, I’ve encountered the notion that not joining the Catholic Church could lead to a questioning of one's faith or standing before Jesus. This idea concerns me, as I believe that salvation and faith are deeply personal and not solely contingent on denominational affiliation. I find it troubling that some might view non-Catholic Christians as inadequate or excluded. This perspective seems to imply a level of pride and exclusivity that conflicts with the inclusive nature of the Christian faith as I understand it.

Reflecting on Faith and Belonging

My reflections are not meant to challenge or critique but to seek understanding and clarity. I am deeply committed to exploring a faith community that aligns with my values of inclusivity, love, and personal faith. As I continue this journey, I hope to gain a deeper understanding of how the Catholic Church’s teachings and practices align with the broader principles of Christianity.

Thank you for joining me in this exploration of faith and community. I look forward to continuing this journey with an open heart and a quest for knowledge, hoping to find a spiritual home where my beliefs and values are embraced and nurtured.

Advent 2020: Love

Week 4 of Advent is the week that we light the second to last candle of Advent.  This candle represents love. But what is love? Is it an action? Is it a feeling? 

Love comes in many different ways.  We love movies, certain foods, places to visit, or songs.  There is also the love that has to do with relationships.  We love our parents and family members.  We love our friends.  We love our wives and husbands.  We love our pets.  We love ourselves.  We love God. 

Matthew 1:18-24:

Now the birth of Jesus the Messiah took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph, being a righteous man and unwilling to expose her to public disgrace, planned to dismiss her quietly. But just when he had resolved to do this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.’

All this took place to fulfill what had been spoken by the Lord through the prophet:  ‘Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel’, which means, ‘God is with us.’ When Joseph awoke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him.

I look at these verses and I think about the movie The Nativity Story. Can you imagine how hard it must have been for Joseph to not make an accusation and still marry Mary? Here is the woman he was betrothed to, and she's pregnant? Now we all know a modern man would accuse the girl of being unfaithful, and I am sure that crossed Joseph's mind too. In the movie, her parents Joachim and Anna were livid, begging her to say it was one of Herod's men. The entire village gossiped about her. Here was Mary, a virgin when she became betrothed to Joseph, she went to visit her family in near Jerusalem and she comes home pregnant. What was her family to think? 

Mary's only come back was "I have broken no vow. An angel told me..." Now, let's be honest here, if your child came to you and said that an angel had spoken to them, they'd be in the psychiatrists office first thing Monday morning, especially if you've never experienced that sort of thing before or didn't believe in it. Yet in Judaism, angels (Hebrew: מַלְאָךְ‎ mal’akh, plural: מלאכים‎ mal’akhim) are supernatural beings that appear throughout the Tanakh (Hebrew Bible), rabbinic literature, apocrypha and pseudepigrapha, and traditional Jewish liturgy as agents of the God of Israel. They are categorized in different hierarchies. Their essence is often associated with fire. The Talmud describes their very essence as fire. And the people of Mary's time would have been familiar with angels as messengers, but ti would still be hard to believe that an angel of the Lord had come to Mary. 

So God sent Gabriel once again to Joseph to assure him everything Mary said was true. Therefore he made no accusation, he took Mary to be his wife and claimed Jesus as his son. I imagine Jesus growing up in his father's carpentry shop learning the trade, even though Joseph is worried he can't teach him anything, yet he taught him how to be a carpenter. 

This week, we see that God loves us so much that He sent his Son to live among us. We see that Joseph loved Mary in such a way that he didn't raise accusations against her, we see that Mary loved God so much that she didn't question Him, and accepted her calling. 

Advent Week 4 Prayer: 

Heavenly Father, The whole meaning of Christmas can be explained in one little four letter word…LOVE. You sent your gift of pure love to us that first Christmas. Love descended from heaven to be born of a virgin. Love lay in the scratchy hay of a manger in a meager barn in Bethlehem. All of your love, God, was robed in the delicate skin of a baby and wrapped in swaddling clothes. This final week of Advent, help us to reflect on the magnitude of love that was made manifest in Jesus.

Your word became flesh and you made your dwelling among us when Jesus was born. You set aside all of the glory and splendor of heaven and chose the most humble way to enter into your kingdom. Beneath the stars, surrounded by all of the hosts of heaven, Love came. Welcomed by an earthly mother and father, shepherds and wise men, Love came. 

You are King and King and Lord of Lords, Messiah and Ruler of All, yet you came not as a lion but as a lamb. You came as an innocent baby whose purpose was walk this earth in complete love, and then to sacrificially give his life as an atonement for the sins of His children. Emmanuel. God with us. Love in the form of a man.

That was your plan. From beginning to end, you knew every minute of Jesus life. You knew that the cross of Calvary was waiting for Jesus, yet you still sent your only Son so that our sin debt could be paid and we could walk blameless because of the shed blood of Jesus.There is no greater gift then this, that a man should lay down his life for his friends. You willing gave the gift of your life because of your love. Your righteous blood covered our sin. You redeem and restore us when we confess you as Lord and Savior of our life. In that moment you give us the gift of your love for all eternity. We receive grace upon grace and mercy upon mercy in that moment.

The greatest gift of all came that first Christmas. It wasn’t wrapped in a beautiful package and set under a decorated tree. The greatest gift came wrapped in the flesh of baby Jesus and laid in the rough wood of a manger. Our perfect gift would later be rewrapped in the scars of our sin and nailed to the rugged wood of a cross on Calvary, all because of love.

Father, this final week of Advent, fill our hearts and minds with the significance of that truth. Thank you, Lord, for loving us enough to send Jesus. In Jesus’ precious name we pray. Amen

Advent 2020: Joy

There is a video on TikTok where "God" asks an "angel" if he's finished scheduling the 2020s. And the angel replies, "2020s, as in plural?" God says "Yes, plural, you didn't schedule 10 years worth of events in one year, did you?" And the angel says "no, no, 2020s." God then says "Did you?" The angel finally replies, "yes" then some profanity ensues then the angel says "and the Americans have an election." There are people who would say that 2020 has been a year that has sucked the joy out of them. 

This being said, today is the 3rd Sunday of Advent; it is time to recognize that our joy doesn't come from this world. 

What is Joy?

Webster's dictionary defines Joy as 1a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight. b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety. 2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss. 3 : a source or cause of delight.

Today's candle is known as the Shepherd's candle, the candle that reminds us of the joy that Jesus' arrival gives, and the joy that salvation gives. 

Now you may be wondering why this candle is different from the others, there are several thoughts on this.  

Although Christians have presented several reasons for the pinkish nature of the candle, from a tradition where priests would wear pink vestments to parents eagerly awaiting the joy of a child’s arrival by painting the room pink, the rosy candle has its roots in something known as Gaudete Sunday. During this third week of advent, this Sunday celebrates the passage Philippians 4:4-5, its verses extolling readers to “rejoice” for “indeed the Lord is near.” 

In other words, this week celebrates the joy of Christ’s coming to earth. 

Even in the disappointments of this years election for many people; we can find the answer to joy in Philippians 4:6-7 In verses 6 and 7, Paul tells us that prayer and thanksgiving lead us to peace and rejoicing. The Message version translates those verses this way: 

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

 
Only then do we find real joy—the kind that springs from the heart, fills the soul, and holds you tight in its embrace, even when the storms of life rage around you. This Christmas, may you find real joy by taking all of your cares and worries to the God who set each star in place, who numbered the hairs on your head, and who loves you so much that He gave his only Son so that you could have the greatest gift of all: eternal life.

Joy came the night of Christ's birth, there is a line in the movie The Nativity Story where after the angel's announce the birth of Christ to the Shepherds they arrive at the stable,  Mary shifts Jesus so the shepherds can get a better look and says "He is for all mankind." That one line brings tears of joy to my eyes and I sob like a baby.

You see things like elections and leaders are temporal; they aren't permanent. People are worried about New World Orders, but aren't worried about the eternity of their neighbors down the street. They are worried about losing worldly freedoms, not realizing the freedom they have in Christ. The election didn't steal people's joy, COVID-19 didn't steal people's joy, people freely gave up their joy.

Instead of letting temporary situations steal your joy, we need to focus on what is permanent and can bring lasting Joy...the hope of Christ's Advent, the peace that He brings and the Joy that we can have eternal life. 

Our prayer should be:

O God, we bring all of our cares, disappointments, worries, heartaches and longings and we lay them at your feet. We ask you to exchange them for your joy and peace. Help us daily to trust in you and to rejoice in your goodness as we seek to share with others your gift of love that has transformed our lives. Amen.

Advent 2020: Peace

It is the second Sunday of Advent and we are about to light the candle that stands for Peace. Again, I think that as Christians this year has not been as peaceful as it could be. For American Christians, this year has been particularly hard, with the election.

Recently, I posed the question, "What if Joe Biden is God's plan for America?" Let me tell you, the lack of peace was definitely shown by people "putting me in my place." Personally, I have peace of the election. Yet, I find it amazing the lack of peace that Christians exhibit even in light of Romans 8:28 which many profess to hold to tightly. 

Earlier this year, my pastoral candidacy came to an end. I was hurt, I was disappointed, I never wanted to go back to church. Yet over the past few months, I have started yet again seeking where God is wanting me to serve. And the peace that I lacked when I was hurt by my candidacy ending, has flooded back to me. Why? 

Because it's God-given peace. I am reminded of a story about Dante. Like many of us, he had attempted to live his life by his own rules and desires. He didn't have peace. In fact such a lack of peace drove him to the Franciscan Monastery at Lunigiana, and when the door was opened, he was asked "What do you want?" He replied, "Peace!"

Our Old Testament (Isaiah 40:1) reading this week starts out with

"Comfort, comfort My people," says your God.

The word for comfort, is נַחֲמ֥וּ (nachem) it means to be sorry, to pity, console. When you are doing these things, especially if you are sorry, and consoling someone you are in effect bringing them peace. Jesus Christ himself said John 14:27, 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

The word here is Εἰρήνην (Eirēnēn) it means peace; by implication, prosperity.

You see 2020 has been a year that has been un-peaceful for many, it's been lacking in prosperity, due to job loss and other issues. But the world is looking for peace, comfort and prosperity as the world gives. Not as Christ gives. All of creation is an imperfect window onto divine reality. God shines through all things — some more, some less. His quest teaches Dante that his fundamental error was to make idols out of icons. That is, he believed that he could find perfect happiness in created things: first, the love of a woman, and then the pursuit of literary fame, political power, and so forth. In truth, Dante was searching for God in all the wrong places, expecting satisfaction from things that can never satisfy.

Not everyone has the same gifts, or the same responsibilities. Do not envy what others have, but accept with gladness the part God gave you to play in the grand drama of life. Love is more important than justice. God doesn’t want you to be just like everybody else; he wants you to be the person he made. Trust him, as does the nun Piccarda, who tells Dante, “In His will is our peace.” 

Whatever your frustrations, whatever is stealing your peace is of this world; it is certainly not of Christ. However, this being said, life will be okay, why? Because God already knows what is going to happen, nothing is a surprise to Him and in Him is our peace.

Advent Sunday, Nov. 29th: HOPE

Hope. What is hope? Is it merely wishful thinking or a kind of strong desire for a certain outcome to happen? Thankfully for the Christ follower, hope means so much more. Hope is not based on chance circumstances or a crossing of one’s fingers and hoping for the best. Rather, hope is a confident and certain expectation. Ours is a living hope given us through the resurrections of Jesus Christ from the dead, and a promised future inheritance that will not perish.

I think we can all admit that 2020 had been a mess of a year. We have lived through a pandemic, and still are. I have lost 4 friends and 2 family members, only one to the pandemic, that I know of. This really got me to thinking back over the year. Each funeral I attended, I heard about hope. I heard about how much people loved their Savior Jesus Christ, then tribute after tribute after tribute one thing became abundantly clear. Each of these people that are special to me had faith in Christ, and the moment they closed their eyes on this side of eternity, the hope they held in their hearts was fulfilled as they opened their eyes in Heaven with God. 

Charles Wesley wrote the Hymn Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus (Hymn 244 in The Celebration Hymnal). The first verse reads: 

Come, thou long expected Jesus, born to set thy people free; from our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in thee. Israel's strength and consolation, hope of all the earth thou art; dear desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.

This Advent hymn recalls Christ first coming, while hoping for His return. Just as the people of Israel, were living in darkness before Christ's first advent, yet the prophet Isaiah spoke of a hope. Isaiah 9:2 The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. 

This year has been pretty dark. Even if you didn't lose people who were close to you, you likely know someone who did or was touched in someway by the pandemic. Yet, we have a hope, if we are in Christ Jesus. Hebrews 10:23 states Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Billy Graham put it this way, “For the believer there is hope...because Jesus Christ has opened the door to heaven for us by His death and resurrection.” 

Isaiah 9:6-7 goes on to prophesy the birth of Jesus. 

6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this. 

It is upon this singular prophecy that our hope is placed, and recalled each time we hold on to hope. 1 Peter 1:3-7 

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Yes, we may be experiencing trials, but we must rejoice and place our hope in Him, for we are promised a second advent of Christ. Where is your hope currently? Is it in your job? Is it in what you can see, what you can hold? is it in something tangible or is it in Christ Jesus? 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:12-13

Space: An Apology

I am writing tonight because I need some peace in my life. I don't like it when the world is in turmoil. Some would say this is because I am a libra. I say it's because of who I am and the heart of service that I have. I hate when I see people hurting. 

Over the past few weeks, I have done quite a bit of hurting through social media. I have hurt people and I have been hurt. Earlier this week, I read the following quote by Victor Frankl.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl is one of many Holocaust survivors. He went on to become a man that I can greatly respect. 

I have spent time mulling this quote over in my head. And I have come to the conclusion that 1) I didn't make good use of my "space" and 2) That Hebrews is right, God will use discipline to reign in his children. Hebrews 12: 6-9 tells us 

6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you do not experience discipline like everyone else, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Furthermore, we have all had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them. Should we not much more submit to the Father of our spirits and live?

The other thing I have been considering is Ephesians 4:26-27 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

There are two things I have not been doing, I have not let the sun go down on my anger, I have been pretty angry for a couple of weeks. What I have been doing is giving opportunity to the devil to harbor anger and hatred in my heart for people that I really don't know beyond what I have been told on Facebook or seen on Facebook. So I am taking my blog tonight to write a public apology to those that I may have hurt. To people that I don't know 100% what their motives are. I certainly was not right in pre-judging people and have decided step away from the protests--both sides for my own mental health.

If you are reading this, and I have hurt you, angered you or you were indirectly hurt by the posts online, I sincerely apologize. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, what may work for you is may not work for me.  While we probably can't make all things right, it is my hope that we can meet in the middle to find the hope and the future God has for us (Jeremiah 29:11)

7 Days with the Rosary

Several weeks ago a Benedictine Monk friend of mine sent me a Rosary. I had merely asked him a question about the Catholic Rosary vs. the Anglican Rosary. My friend provided me the answer then challenged me to spend 7 days praying the Rosary. 

At first, being a protestant, specifically a Methodist, this was awkward, but I felt that I was up for the challenge. Even though I say the Apostle's Creed nearly daily, I still had to look it up. Even though I always say the Lord's Prayer, I had to train myself to stop at the deliver us from evil. And I had to learn the "Hail Mary." I also did some side study, because, let's be honest, I was getting ready to embark on a journey that could (and would) change my life...or at least my understanding of the Rosary. 

St. Benedictine Rosary from a Benedictine Friend

Saint John Paul II said of the Rosary "The Rosary, though clearly Marian in character, is at heart a Christocentric prayer. In the sobriety of its elements, it has all the depth of the Gospel message in its entirety, of which it can be said to be a compendium. It is an echo of the prayer of Mary, her perennial Magnificat for the work of the redemptive Incarnation which began in her virginal womb. With the Rosary, the Christian people sits at the school of Mary and is led to contemplate the beauty on the face of Christ and to experience the depths of his love. Through the Rosary the faithful receive abundant grace, as though from the very hands of the Mother of the Redeemer." Pope Paul VI clearly pointed out: “Without contemplation, the Rosary is a body without a soul, and its recitation runs the risk of becoming a mechanical repetition of formulas, in violation of the admonition of Christ: 'In praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think they will be heard for their many words' (Mt 6:7). By its nature the recitation of the Rosary calls for a quiet rhythm and a lingering pace, helping the individual to meditate on the mysteries of the Lord's life as seen through the eyes of her who was closest to the Lord. In this way the unfathomable riches of these mysteries are disclosed”.

My first night praying the Rosary there was loads of mistakes, I am sure. I probably forgot "the Lord is with Thee" about 10 times, probably forgot the Glory Be all 5 times, and only heaven knows if I got the Lord's prayer correct. Over the week though, praying the Rosary became easier and easier; let me say I am a pro at the rosary now! 

Tonight my friend sent me an email and said "So, what did you learn?" Learn? What did I learn? My response was as follows: 

I learned that we need to do a lot less asking of God and a lot more contemplating the mysteries of our faith. I learned that protestants under estimate Mary and Marian devotion. But the most important thing I learned was to appreciate the centeredness I felt when I prayed. I realized immediately what Christians for centuries have found out...it is a singularly meaningful tool for praying more deeply and intimately with God. If we believe we are not to use vain repetition in our prayer, thank God for the rosary, where repetitive prayer is filled with grace.

I had given my hands something to do, my mind was conscience while I moved bead to bead, the repetitiveness of the prayers--consciously engaging my devotional awareness on these multiple levels, and I was in essence freeing up deeper regions of my soul to simply rest in the Divine Presence. So much so that I was able to simply lay down after my prayers and sleep, and not just the sleep of one who was tired, but one who was at peace.

The rosary also introduced me to new prayers and new appreciation of prayer. My new favorite being the Fatima Prayer  “O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy.” For me this prayer, especially the single last line Especially those in most need of Thy mercy. That prayer, those last eight words became the singular prayer for my former best friend, whose salvation I am completely unsure of. 

I agree with Lee M. of A Thinking Reed "For whatever reason, many Protestant forms of prayer strike me as too wordy and intellectualistic. But I also haven’t had much luck with forms of meditation where you’re supposed to “empty” your mind and wordlessly contemplate the divine. The rosary provides a good balance of structure and freedom, or mind and heart. It’s grounded in the great truths of the faith, and so has a certain “given-ness” and objectivity, but it also allows for one’s personal prayers and affections to range freely."

Today I agree with St. John Paul II just as he said in 2002 "Twenty-four years ago, on 29 October 1978, scarcely two weeks after my election to the See of Peter, I frankly admitted: “The Rosary is my favourite prayer. A marvellous prayer! Marvellous in its simplicity and its depth."