Space: An Apology

I am writing tonight because I need some peace in my life. I don't like it when the world is in turmoil. Some would say this is because I am a libra. I say it's because of who I am and the heart of service that I have. I hate when I see people hurting. 

Over the past few weeks, I have done quite a bit of hurting through social media. I have hurt people and I have been hurt. Earlier this week, I read the following quote by Victor Frankl.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl is one of many Holocaust survivors. He went on to become a man that I can greatly respect. 

I have spent time mulling this quote over in my head. And I have come to the conclusion that 1) I didn't make good use of my "space" and 2) That Hebrews is right, God will use discipline to reign in his children. Hebrews 12: 6-9 tells us 

6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you do not experience discipline like everyone else, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Furthermore, we have all had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them. Should we not much more submit to the Father of our spirits and live?

The other thing I have been considering is Ephesians 4:26-27 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

There are two things I have not been doing, I have not let the sun go down on my anger, I have been pretty angry for a couple of weeks. What I have been doing is giving opportunity to the devil to harbor anger and hatred in my heart for people that I really don't know beyond what I have been told on Facebook or seen on Facebook. So I am taking my blog tonight to write a public apology to those that I may have hurt. To people that I don't know 100% what their motives are. I certainly was not right in pre-judging people and have decided step away from the protests--both sides for my own mental health.

If you are reading this, and I have hurt you, angered you or you were indirectly hurt by the posts online, I sincerely apologize. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, what may work for you is may not work for me.  While we probably can't make all things right, it is my hope that we can meet in the middle to find the hope and the future God has for us (Jeremiah 29:11)

7 Days with the Rosary

Several weeks ago a Benedictine Monk friend of mine sent me a Rosary. I had merely asked him a question about the Catholic Rosary vs. the Anglican Rosary. My friend provided me the answer then challenged me to spend 7 days praying the Rosary. 

At first, being a protestant, specifically a Methodist, this was awkward, but I felt that I was up for the challenge. Even though I say the Apostle's Creed nearly daily, I still had to look it up. Even though I always say the Lord's Prayer, I had to train myself to stop at the deliver us from evil. And I had to learn the "Hail Mary." I also did some side study, because, let's be honest, I was getting ready to embark on a journey that could (and would) change my life...or at least my understanding of the Rosary. 

St. Benedictine Rosary from a Benedictine Friend

Saint John Paul II said of the Rosary "The Rosary, though clearly Marian in character, is at heart a Christocentric prayer. In the sobriety of its elements, it has all the depth of the Gospel message in its entirety, of which it can be said to be a compendium. It is an echo of the prayer of Mary, her perennial Magnificat for the work of the redemptive Incarnation which began in her virginal womb. With the Rosary, the Christian people sits at the school of Mary and is led to contemplate the beauty on the face of Christ and to experience the depths of his love. Through the Rosary the faithful receive abundant grace, as though from the very hands of the Mother of the Redeemer." Pope Paul VI clearly pointed out: “Without contemplation, the Rosary is a body without a soul, and its recitation runs the risk of becoming a mechanical repetition of formulas, in violation of the admonition of Christ: 'In praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think they will be heard for their many words' (Mt 6:7). By its nature the recitation of the Rosary calls for a quiet rhythm and a lingering pace, helping the individual to meditate on the mysteries of the Lord's life as seen through the eyes of her who was closest to the Lord. In this way the unfathomable riches of these mysteries are disclosed”.

My first night praying the Rosary there was loads of mistakes, I am sure. I probably forgot "the Lord is with Thee" about 10 times, probably forgot the Glory Be all 5 times, and only heaven knows if I got the Lord's prayer correct. Over the week though, praying the Rosary became easier and easier; let me say I am a pro at the rosary now! 

Tonight my friend sent me an email and said "So, what did you learn?" Learn? What did I learn? My response was as follows: 

I learned that we need to do a lot less asking of God and a lot more contemplating the mysteries of our faith. I learned that protestants under estimate Mary and Marian devotion. But the most important thing I learned was to appreciate the centeredness I felt when I prayed. I realized immediately what Christians for centuries have found out...it is a singularly meaningful tool for praying more deeply and intimately with God. If we believe we are not to use vain repetition in our prayer, thank God for the rosary, where repetitive prayer is filled with grace.

I had given my hands something to do, my mind was conscience while I moved bead to bead, the repetitiveness of the prayers--consciously engaging my devotional awareness on these multiple levels, and I was in essence freeing up deeper regions of my soul to simply rest in the Divine Presence. So much so that I was able to simply lay down after my prayers and sleep, and not just the sleep of one who was tired, but one who was at peace.

The rosary also introduced me to new prayers and new appreciation of prayer. My new favorite being the Fatima Prayer  “O my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy.” For me this prayer, especially the single last line Especially those in most need of Thy mercy. That prayer, those last eight words became the singular prayer for my former best friend, whose salvation I am completely unsure of. 

I agree with Lee M. of A Thinking Reed "For whatever reason, many Protestant forms of prayer strike me as too wordy and intellectualistic. But I also haven’t had much luck with forms of meditation where you’re supposed to “empty” your mind and wordlessly contemplate the divine. The rosary provides a good balance of structure and freedom, or mind and heart. It’s grounded in the great truths of the faith, and so has a certain “given-ness” and objectivity, but it also allows for one’s personal prayers and affections to range freely."

Today I agree with St. John Paul II just as he said in 2002 "Twenty-four years ago, on 29 October 1978, scarcely two weeks after my election to the See of Peter, I frankly admitted: “The Rosary is my favourite prayer. A marvellous prayer! Marvellous in its simplicity and its depth."

Upcoming Series

Over the next few weeks, I am going to be spending time in prayer; and I am going to be writing my experiences. I have some ideas as to the experiments that I am going to try. We'll explore prayer with the Christian community at Northumbria; we'll also spend time praying the 1663 Book of Common prayer and I want to pray the rosary for a while.

Of course, I'll revisit Lectio Divina. I want this to become a page all about prayer and what it means to spend time with God.

Holy Saturday: Standing in the Silence

Lectio: Luke 23:55 shares, “As his body was taken away, the women from Galilee followed and saw the tomb where his body was placed. Then they went home and prepared spices and ointments to anoint his body. But by the time they were finished the Sabbath had begun, so they rested as required by the law." 

Meditatio: Today is the last day of the Lenten season...but the day holds more significance than being just the last day of Lent. It has significance because it is a day of anticipation. A day of silence, and preparation. You see the women were preparing to anoint the body of Christ, but they lost time; it was officially the Sabbath (Saturday) and they would be forced to wait to visit the tomb to anoint the body of Christ. I imagine that this day was probably filled with tears of sorrow, despite the promise that Jesus made that He made when he said he would raise the temple in three days. 

The day preceding the miracle is yes, a Sabbath, a day to rest, but it is also a day to be still. Exodus 20:8 is the original verse explaining to God’s people how to observe this law, “Remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God.” The act of keeping something Holy is to keep it set aside or reserved for a purpose, and this specific day is meant to rest in dedication to the Lord. On Holy Saturday Christians today can take this a step further in resting or abiding in what the Lord is doing today.

Just as Jesus’ followers waited the tedious hours of that Saturday to see what would occur Sunday, so we wait to see the hand of the Lord in our own lives. The prayers that are yet to be answered and the hopes left lingering still can all be placed at the throne of God as we rest and abide in His presence. Exodus 14:14 shared to, “be still and wait for the Lord” as the Israelites stood at the banks of the Red Sea waiting for the Lord to act, and so in that they yielded their fears, their worries, and their own actions to the Father for movement. When it was time to move, the Lord made it clear to them, but there came a time of trusting in being still before He revealed what was next.

Holy Saturday is a time for us to lean into being present in the Lord, placing our own agendas at the door and coming before Him to simply be with Him. The Lord desires relationship with us, and a requirement of relationship is time together. Holy Saturday is a great day not to ask for anything, but to simply spend time within the Spirit of the Lord.

Oratio: Father, We recognize the significance of Holy Saturday for the Easter season. It is not merely a day between Good Friday and Easter, but it is a day to observe in consecration of what You did for us. We leave our own agendas, our own desires, and our own pleas at the door and crave today to be still and rest in Your presence. We are so grateful for the ability to quiet our hearts and stand in Your presence, we want to come to know Your heart more this day. Thank You for sending Your Son, Jesus to die for us, and thank You that You kept Your promise that Easter Sunday. Let us not be so hurried in our own lives that we forget the glory that You brought forth that day. In Jesus name, Amen

Contemplatio: Take some time today, to be present with God. Be intentional about the silence. Turn off the phone, the TV, the radio and just lean into His Presence. Rest in His presence today. 

Is there enough evidence?

Lectio: Mark 15:1-15 Very early in the morning the leading priests, the elders, and the teachers of religious law—the entire high council—met to discuss their next step. They bound Jesus, led him away, and took him to Pilate, the Roman governor. 2 Pilate asked Jesus, “Are you the king of the Jews?”Jesus replied, “You have said it.” 3 Then the leading priests kept accusing him of many crimes, 4 and Pilate asked him, “Aren’t you going to answer them? What about all these charges they are bringing against you?” 5 But Jesus said nothing, much to Pilate’s surprise. 6 Now it was the governor’s custom each year during the Passover celebration to release one prisoner—anyone the people requested. 7 One of the prisoners at that time was Barabbas, a revolutionary who had committed murder in an uprising. 8 The crowd went to Pilate and asked him to release a prisoner as usual. 9 “Would you like me to release to you this ‘King of the Jews’?” Pilate asked. 10 (For he realized by now that the leading priests had arrested Jesus out of envy.) 11 But at this point the leading priests stirred up the crowd to demand the release of Barabbas instead of Jesus. 12 Pilate asked them, “Then what should I do with this man you call the king of the Jews?” 13 They shouted back, “Crucify him!” 14 “Why?” Pilate demanded. “What crime has he committed?” But the mob roared even louder, “Crucify him!” 15 So to pacify the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas to them. He ordered Jesus flogged with a lead-tipped whip, then turned him over to the Roman soldiers to be crucified. (New Living Translation)

Meditatio: In this scripture, Jesus is brought to trial. Pilate questions Him, and finally hands him over to be crucified. But before he hands Jesus over, he asks one question "What crime has he committed?" You see in Pilate's eyes, Jesus' crime was a religious crime, not one against Caesar, not against Roman law, but against the religious elite of the time. Even when he questioned Jesus, it the answers given by Christ give Pilate reason to think he was a threat to the Roman Emperor. Matter of fact, it wasn't Rome that was accusing Jesus, it was the leading priests of the temple. And all Pilate could think to ask was "What crime has he committed?" Surely if Pilate saw no crime then one must have not been committed? I mean after all wouldn't any decent Roman citizen help his neighbor out on the Sabbath? Wouldn't they have helped the poor or even healed someone if they could? According to Pilate's question, there wasn't enough evidence to crucify Jesus and he knew it. 

Oratio: Father, Your son committed no crime and died for our sins. He paid a debt that He didn't owe; and we owe a debt that we could never pay. Lord, let us take this seriously, let us remember that it is Your holiness that we should be after. Not what the world calls holiness, not what the liberals call holiness, not what the conservatives call holiness, but YOUR holiness. Let there be found in me enough evidence that if I were to stand trial tomorrow, the judge could convict me as being a Jesus follower, a Christian. 

Contemplatio: If you were to stand trial tomorrow, would there be enough evidence in your life to convict you of being a Christian?

Forgiveness...

Lectio: 1 John 1: 9-10 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 


Meditatio: This week I have been thinking about forgiveness. It's a deep topic, but one that I feel had to be touched on, especially this week. My meditation on forgiveness was thrown at me while reading a book by Karen Kingsbury called To the Moon and Back. The book is set against the lives of two people who lost loved ones on April 19, 1995 when a bomb ripped through the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. In the book, Karen mentions the evil that must have been the driving force in the bomber. But you see that bomber, that terrorist had a name, his name was Timothy McVeigh. On June 11, 2001, just months before September 11th, Mr. McVeigh's death sentence was carried out. I called my mom that morning and ask "Is it okay that I cried this morning? Is it okay that I cried and it wasn't for the victims? Is it okay that I cried for McVeigh?" My mom, knowing my tender heart and knowing where I was coming from--this was someone's son, someone's brother, someone's uncle, someone's friend, merely said "Yes, it's okay. But why?" All I could think was "what if I am the only person who understands that he asked to be forgiven by God? This man, even though he did terrible things, was still someone Jesus died for, someone Jesus loved."

Oratio: God, thank you for sending Your Son to die for me. Thank you for seeing my sin and knowing that I'd need a Savior. Help me to forgive as You have forgave me. Lord, I pray that You will forgive me my short comings. 

Contemplatio: God has forgiven you, is there someone you need to forgive? Do you need forgiveness? 

Rushing Waters

Lectio: Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him. Psalm 32:6

Medtatio: As I sit here, I can almost hear the rushing of waters. I find it amazing that the Psalmist thought that God couldn't hear over the rushing of water. However, the more I think of it, I believe that sometimes it's not that God can't hear us, rather, we can't hear ourselves much less hear God calling to us. There has been many times in my life when I thought I heard God, but then thought "No, that's not God." Only to realize that maybe it was God and I couldn't shout above my own noise. 

Oratio: Father, thank you for hearing the prayers of those who love you. Help me to always be attentive to your voice and to hear above my own noise. 

Contemplatio: Do you remember a time when you thought you heard God? What was it like to hear his voice? Do you remember a time when you realized you had missed the voice of God, what did it feel like for you?